New Review for DR ISAH'S LEGACY (3)

New Review for DR ISAH'S LEGACY (3)

FROM:FictionPress TO:vanessaravencroft@yahoo.com Message flagged Saturday, September 8, 2012 11:08 PM Vanessa Ravencroft,

A new review has been posted to your story.

Story: DR ISAH'S LEGACY Chapter: 1. Chapter 1

From: dru83 ( http://www.fictionpress.com/u/669308/ ) Reply URL: https://www.fictionpress.com/pm2/post.php?rwid=17691517 ---

Looks like you've got a good start here. Decker was one of the more interesting supporting characters from Green Hell, it'll be interesting to see him as a main character. There's some tense switching issues, some grammar issues, and some sentence fragments that need to be cleaned up here.

For example:

The sentence "Dr. ISAH is dead for over 2900 years," should be written in past tense like this:

Dr. ISAH has been dead for over 2900 years.

Because of some improper punctuation, the last line is a pair of sentence fragments.

Here's how I would change it:

Can the old Gum shoe from New York, the immortal detective Phil Decker, save the heiress's life and solve a 2900 year old murder mystery before the invention falls into the wrong hands?

Just a couple pointers to help make it sound better. Anyway, you've got me interested, so get working on some more chapters!

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