Chapter 7 Battlestations - Points of Input

Contents
[hide]#Suggested replacements
 * 1) Item #1
 * 2) === Suggested replacement
 * 3) Item #2
 * 4) Suggested replacement
 * 5) Item #3
 * 6) Suggested replacement
 * 7) Item #4
 * 8) Suggested replacement
 * 9) == Item #5
 * 10) Suggested replacement
 * 11) Reasoning
 * 12) Answer
 * 13) Item #8
 * 14) Suggested replacement
 * 15) Reasoning
 * 16) Item #10
 * 17) Suggested replacement
 * 18) Reasoning
 * 19) Other
 * 20) Kermac attack:
 * 21) Answer
 * 22) Later in Kermac attack
 * 23) End of Kermac attack
 * 24) Question
 * 25) = Scientists
 * 26) Comment
 * 27) Interlude with Stahl
 * 28) Comment
 * 29) Okay

Item #1 Edit
It was there were the conventional engines, the reactors and engineering was. ==== Suggested replacement= That was the domain of Engineering, the reactors and conventional engines.

Item #2 Edit
To all this came a crew of 64,000 plus 10,000 Marines

Suggested replacement Edit
It took a crew of 64,000 Navy plus 10,000 Marines to operate all this (still much less than one might think for a ship so large)

Item #3 Edit
dark skinned Human sitting at the Communications station turned from his station.

Suggested replacement Edit
dark skinned Human sitting at the Communications station turned

Item #4 Edit
I tried to overlook your first remarks,

Suggested replacement Edit
I was going to overlook your first remarks, === Item #5= You're a snot nosed little want to be officer who happened to run into the big man who likes to play games.

Suggested replacement Edit
You're a snot nosed little want to be officer who happened to run into someone who likes to play games.

Reasoning
"the big man" indicates more respect than I think Carrows would demonstrate under the circumstances

AnswerEdit
Well I see what you mean, but Carrows is also a man of habit. He uses the term big man in an almost cynical manner specifically pointing to Stahl. Without actually saying his name. He clearly disaproves of Stahl but keeps short of saying his name.

Item #8 Edit
Harris said." We can't do anything while they are on their side!"

Suggested replacement Edit
Harris said." We can't do anything while they are on their side, Sir!" or Harris said." We can't do anything while they are on their side, Captain!"

Reasoning
Here I definitely think Harris should say either Captain or Sir, to emphasize the point that he is acting as the warning voice of the XO rather than giving any sort of order

Item #10 Edit
I cursed. "I knew it! Tactical,

Suggested replacement Edit
"Dammit," I cursed. "I knew it! Tactical,

Reasoning
If Eric is going to curse he should in fact do so.

Kermac attack: Edit
The Arsenal system is described as massively even over-defended, it seems odd that the Devi would be needed

AnswerEdit
The Devi is already light years away from Arsenal (She went translight after leaving orbit) She receives the Assist Call from a border station (none would be needed at Arsenal)

Crossing the border established by treaty is an act of war. Without the Assembly declaring it, he can only do so if the other side does it first. The Kermac are very cautionous not to violate it (at least openly)

Vanessa Ravencroft (talk) 00:23, March 16, 2014 (UTC)

Later in Kermac attack Edit
the wreck. I expect an escape pod; catch it with tractors and tech stop if you can. Destroy it if you can't!"

I would almost think this better if Eric were to flat order it caught even if they had to cross the border. The Kermac sure aren't in any position to do anything if there is such a violation

End of Kermac attack Edit
Terran Vessel. We observed you confined

Question Edit
Are the Kermac really going to say "Terran"?

Scientists Edit
hope to have our scientists released to us at your earliest convenience."

Comment Edit
Can even the Kermac be so dumb as to switch excuses and now call those captured scientists?

Interlude with Stahl Edit
of the Kermac Hegemony."

Comment Edit
I think Stahl would say "GC" hot Kermac hegemony (even though that is an accurate description, I just think it's too long winded when GC communicates the same thing.

(Note I do not necessarily expect answers to these, they just are items to think about more than anything else.

SoronelHaetir (talk) 23:16, March 15, 2014 (UTC)

OkayEdit
Alright I won't respond to each point, Especially those I agree with. I am moving your Chapter comments to Plot holes as I can find it there much easier than in talk pages.

to much valuable input to get lost.. Thanks!!

VR