Talk:CHAPTER 7: BATTLE STATIONS

Item #1
It was there were the conventional engines, the reactors and engineering was.

==== Suggested replacement= That was the domain of Engineering, the reactors and conventional engines.

Item #2
To all this came a crew of 64,000 plus 10,000 Marines

Suggested replacement
It took a crew of 64,000 Navy plus 10,000 Marines to operate all this (still much less than one might think for a ship so large)

Item #3
dark skinned Human sitting at the Communications station turned from his station.

Suggested replacement
dark skinned Human sitting at the Communications station turned

Item #4
I tried to overlook your first remarks,

Suggested replacement
I was going to overlook your first remarks,

=== Item #5= You're a snot nosed little want to be officer who happened to run into the big man who likes to play games.

Suggested replacement
You're a snot nosed little want to be officer who happened to run into someone who likes to play games.

Reasoning
"the big man" indicates more respect than I think Carrows would demonstrate under the circumstances

Item #8
Harris said." We can't do anything while they are on their side!"

Suggested replacement
Harris said." We can't do anything while they are on their side, Sir!" or Harris said." We can't do anything while they are on their side, Captain!"

Reasoning
Here I definitely think Harris should say either Captain or Sir, to emphasize the point that he is acting as the warning voice of the XO rather than giving any sort of order

Item #10
I cursed. "I knew it! Tactical,

Suggested replacement
"Dammit," I cursed. "I knew it! Tactical,

Reasoning
If Eric is going to curse he should in fact do so.

Kermac attack:
The Arsenal system is described as massively even over-defended, it seems odd that the Devi would be needed

Later in Kermac attack
the wreck. I expect an escape pod; catch it with tractors and tech stop if you can. Destroy it if you can't!"

I would almost think this better if Eric were to flat order it caught even if they had to cross the border. The Kermac sure aren't in any position to do anything if there is such a violation

End of Kermac attack
Terran Vessel. We observed you confined

Question
Are the Kermac really going to say "Terran"?

Scientists
hope to have our scientists released to us at your earliest convenience."

Comment
Can even the Kermac be so dumb as to switch excuses and now call those captured scientists?

Interlude with Stahl
of the Kermac Hegemony."

Comment
I think Stahl would say "GC" hot Kermac hegemony (even though that is an accurate description, I just think it's too long winded when GC communicates the same thing.

(Note I do not necessarily expect answers to these, they just are items to think about more than anything else.

SoronelHaetir (talk) 23:16, March 15, 2014 (UTC)