Comment from Joseph

You are a very, very good writer. Your plotting is tight, your main characters memorable, your inventiveness off the scale. Eric is in good hands.

What don't I like? Scene shifts too often and multiple plots are too numerous. I would appreciate longer stretches devoted to a single character and plot line. Let the reader savor the story a bit.

Minor errors:

while extinguishing a fire in the engine room of my space born (spaceborne) ship, the Poseidon.

The Nogoll said, "Cadet Olafson, small talk does not mean you have to entertain the entire table. An officer is always tactful and discrete (discreet). If I did not know better I'd say you are drunk!"

On the other hand I never liked tattle tails (tattletales).

5 billion Yokuta populated the world and had several big metropolis. (metropoli (compare with Tripoli--three cities) is uncommon; metropolises is the consensus.)