The Alarm Clock

The Alarm Clock

© Vanessa Ravencroft

Inspired by a comment of Mark Ball

Herb had a bad feeling as he saw his supervisor standing by his desk.

“Good morning Mr. Smith.”

“Five minutes more and you would have lied to me. It will be noon  by then! This is the fourth time you are late, very late!”

“Sorry Mr. Smith. My alarm didn't go off.”

“That is the lamest and the oldest excuse. There won't be a fifth time, Herb. The next time your late, you might as well go straight to the Unemployment office.”

“It won't happen again. I am going to buy a new alarm clock tonight.”

“Alright, now get to work.” Smith turned after he had walked away a few steps. “I mean it, Herb. One more time and you're history around here.”

Herb nodded and turned on his Virtu 6 station. Losing a job was bad, very bad. Ever since IBEEEM  developed cheap AI, robots and computers did all the things robots could not do before. It started in 2040 and now in 2060 there were millions without anything to do, standing in the welfare line for days on end just to get a measly 50 dollars “Job seekers allowance”

It was just before quitting time, when Mr. Smith approached him again. “I just saw an advert on GovBuy. Gabriel Electronics just unveiled a new Alarm clock gadget. They guarantee it gets you to work on time, or they give a full refund. I like you Herb and would hate if Admin replaces your post with an AI. So I paid out a bonus and  I let you go early today, so you can get one.”

–

After work, Herb went straight to Sears and into the home electronics department.

After looking at a few models, a sales man spotted him. “Is there anything I can help you find?”

“Ah yes, I am looking for that new alarm clock from Gabriel Electronics.”

The salesman grinned as if he won the state lottery. “It was only put on the market today and we are almost sold out. I got only one left. Right over there!”

“That is an alarm clock?” Herb stared at the huge thing.

“Yes it is and much more. Energy independent, it never stops. Solid Steel and Carbon nano fiber construction to take any abuse an owner can dish out. Its AI is a self learning application that needs no programming.”

Herb sighed as he stared at the price tag. “Eight thousand bucks?”

“That's the introduction special, for the first ten thousand customers. It will be twelve thousand tomorrow.”

“Hell of a sales argument, and besides I don't have much choice, my boss wants me to get it. I take one.”

“Wonderful choice Sir, you never be late again. That's the promise, of GE. We give a full refund if you ever be late again.”

–

Gabriel had partied a little longer with the other blokes at the watering hole on 52nd. Mark the bar keep would soon leave for Mars, to open a pub there. They all had watched the old monster flick “Attack of the Neo-Soviet Nuclear Super-Giraffes” together, laughed and cheered at the famous scene where one of the monsters poops in Hyde Park and buries a Bobbie.

Of course they all recited the lines of the corny hero and any time someone said “The Giraffes are coming” a full pint of bitter had to be downed, without spilling too much.

Well beyond the state of drunk and pretty much hammered, without undressing but an extended visit to the porcelain god he flopped into his bed.

–

“Time to wake up and go to work, Sir.”

“Screw you. Snooze yourself and give me another five.”

“I already gave you 3 snooze periods. Now it is time!”

Herb didn't care tossed to the wall, buried his hurting head underneath the pillow...

The next voice he heard was the one of Mr. Smith. “You look terrible, but your on time. So the Alarm clock worked?”

Herb had a minty feeling in his mouth, and blinked his eyes open.

Mr. Smith stemming his fists into his wide hips.” I appreciate the effort and the hair cut!”

“The haircut?” Was all Herb could say as he touched his head. The long tresses he grew for fifteen years were gone and so was his zotty beard.

He promised himself to get rid of that thing, no question it was that Alarm clock. No other explanation made sense. But near quitting time, Arnold called and said they were meeting at the Space elevator to say fare well to Mark, and so he had to go.

Mark was long gone as they deiced to sample a shot of each bottle the bar at the space port displayed. There were many, and after a shot of Jager that followed a shot of Jameson he vaguely remembered the blue Bombay Gin but not much else after that.

–

“Good morning, Herb. I must say I like the new you. On time no matter how sick you look. Your outfit, does that mean you are out of the closet? Do we still call you Herb?”

“Uh what?”

Herb was dressed in the revealing nightie and dressing gown, one of his former girl friends had left in his closet.”I kill that thing!”

He changed in his usual at lunch, thankfully he had a set of spare things in his locker.

He was just about to leave, when the gorgeous red head from across the office came over, Five foot eleven, red hair. A center fold worthy body and all packed in the latest skin tight cat suit fashion. That looked so good at her but made him almost loose his lunch when he saw Ms. Swanson from accounting in one like these. Three hundred pounds of flabby crème pie grown fat folds looked disgusting in anything, but were heave inducing in a skintight number.

He blinked at the sexy woman with a smile.”Need help logging in?”

“Not really, but I saw you this morning. Kinky and all that..I like that. I am into this..Care for a drink after work?”

“Kink..me.?” Herb looked at the deep cleavage in front of him and nodded. “Yeah I am in all sorts of things. Let's discuss them over that drink!”

–

“Good morning Herb, working overtime?” Vince the janitor greeted him

This time he remembered the bloody thing dragging him out of the bed of Julia, the red head did have a name so he found out after the third time. She was kinky but he never thought this was so much fun. “No Vince, I was dragged here by a bloody alarm clock. It's Saturday...I don't work Saturdays.”

Mr. Smith approaching the desk said. “I must say, working off lost time is very commendable. Director Jones, you know our big boss is here and saw you, that's how team leaders are made. He said so. Keep it up and there is a raise in it as well. Dressing like that will get you noticed.”

Herb wore the business suit he hadn't worn since he applied for the job, three years ago.

Against everything he believed in he worked all Saturday. As it was almost time to go, the big man Mr. Jones waved him over. “We really needed those reports, and thanks to you I can go to the board meeting Monday and tell our CEO that this department has some very promising talent. I instructed Mr. Smith to make you team leader, he obviously doesn't see talent or you would be one already. This is only the start, young man, keep it up. There is a post in regional coming up.”

Herb thanked the Division manager and put on his jacket. “Regional team leader meant an office with a door and a window. It also meant a nice increase in his salary. Maybe even enough to get an Edison Electra, no more public transport.

He was just out the door of the building, when he saw Mr. Jones waving. “Over here, young man. We decided to try a shipment of old malt, they just got in at Shenanigans. I was just talking to Earl about you.”

Shenanigans was an upscale bar right across the company. No mere employee would ever go there, not just because the drinks started at 50 bucks, but the clientele was management. Whoever wanted to drink with their bosses?”

It turned out Earl was the manager for the entire East coast region. “I was just told about a junior team leader, always on time, voluntarily working over time when reports needed to be done and dressing sharp, unlike the casual slob everyone else wears.”  Earl nodded pleased.”These are qualities that will get you far. Monday morning report to HR, and get your own office, Mr. Regional  team manager of distribution.”

–

There was no one in the building, except security. Herb fought the machine tooth and nail, but he was here. Right on time, but on a frikking Sunday!

He went straight to a gun store, purchased a H&K Armor Breaker 7...