The White Togar

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The USS Shadowrunner was just like the Chimera, a disguised ship. On the outside, an old Mega-Poodle operated by a privateer and on the inside, a state of the art Union ship.

Just like a regular poodle, only three times as big and better armed, this Poodle had also bigger cargo holds.

We transferred the pirate crews and much of the loot of the Swift Profit, as we hoped it could be returned to the families of the victims.

In return we received our first Wolfcraft fighter. It was equipped with a smaller version of the Janus Device.

Along with the Wolfcraft came a few containers of fresh food supplies.

Not that we were anywhere near running out and we did have Molecular reconstitution systems that recycled 99.99% of our waste, but it was nice to have fresh things and a larger variety.

I stood in the Cargo hold and talked to the Captain of the Shadowrunner who was from Holstein Planet.

Holstein was close to Nilfeheim and it was nice to exchange some non-important local gossip. He had send over a crate of Holstein Pilsner, my favorite beer, and to the delight of our chef, a supply of Holstein butter.

While I was standing there a large Battle Robot, bigger than a Fenris and more massive than a Cerberus, came over the freight tunnel that connected our ships and stomped towards me. The machine saluted and remained in that position.

Then a hatch on the chest of that at least three and a half meter tall machine opened and three hand sized men appeared, and they saluted again. I noticed they wore Union Black and I recognized them as Mini Terrans.

A magnifying field screen established between me and one of the men said.

"Lieutenant Charles Bergdor f and two specialist of the New World Commonwealth reporting for Duty, Ma'am. Admiral Rutherford personally sends this Terror Mech . He thinks you might be able to use it and us."

"Welcome aboard then. I am delighted to have you aboard. Your machine looks impressive."

"Yes Ma'am it is the pinnacle of NWC technology and rivals one of our Battle ships fire power. It was conceived to answer possible invasions by large enemies and the Terror-Machine-Suit series is the latest. We have been briefed about the Tigershark's true mission and volunteered."

Har-Hi walked around the towering machine and said.

"If this thing equals the fire power of one of these spheres, then it exceeds a Fenris for sure."

Lt. Bergdorf said.

"It is also a full functioning space ship, capable of reaching destinations of over 1500 light years. It maneuvers almost as good as a Wolfcraft and can operate in full robotic mode, but when I am connected to it, it can move like a human, picking up feathers, or crush steel."

I said.

"I think this is a nice addition to our Marine detachment and Lt. Pure will get you situated."

Pure came, as SHIP had heard me and summoned him. I filled him in and the three Mini Terrans returned inside their machine and followed the Attikan Marine.

While I watched the battle robot thing stomp away I noticed Sobody talking to Har-Hi and he repeated that strange move he had done in the Tavern killing one of the pirates.

I could tell my Dai friend was deeply impressed.

I joined them and asked.

"How did you actually cut that Thauran ?"

Sobody pushed back the sleeve of his robe and revealed a metal wrist band with a little hump and said.

"This is a Mono-filament whip . It shoots a strand of molecular thick Mono-chronium metal wire . The thing is highly flexible and there is a little weight ball at the end. It is so thin it cuts through nearly everything and it can be electrified or heated to 4000 degrees if the cutting alone doesn't do the trick. It isn't useful against a fully armored person in a Union Battle suit, or against shields, but in close quarter or hand to hand situations it is deadly. It takes quite a bit of practice as it can be very dangerous to the user.

It's a very old Golden weapon but I have had his one now for a very long time and it turned out I am still good with it, I haven't used it in anger in almost 500 years, you know."

Har-Hi said.

"Can you get me one of those?. I think I could fit one above my dart launcher and below the bomb pellet dispenser ."

Sobody smiled proudly.

"This is a great compliment coming from a Dai. I have a spare one for sure and I'll show you how to use it, too."

I said:

"Above the dart launcher and below the bomb pellet dispenser. Are we talking about the arsenal you carry on just one arm?"

Har-Hi shook his head.

"No, only what I carry between wrist and elbow, I've got a bigger list if we talk about the whole arm."

I rolled my eyes and said:

"Thor's Hammer, I had to ask!"

The Captain of the Shadowrunner handed me a PDD in clip board mode.

"I think that is all. I got the device, the sleeping beauties and the loot and you got the walking doll house complete with real life action figures."

I checked the list just flying over it with my eyes just because it was nice to do something that was fleet routine. Something normal captains would do every day. I loved our current mission, but once in a while I wished we could be a Union ship openly. I stopped and read over the list more carefully and then said to Har-Hi who was still next to me and said:

"Say the Togar female isn't on this list. Aren't we transferring her too?"

"She is still at sick bay. Cateria hasn't released her."

I thanked the captain and wished him a good trip home. After our ships had separated and we were back on course to Sin 4, I went to our sickbay. I found it strange that the Togar female was still here; she didn't look that badly wounded and as far as I knew, Togar were biologically similar to many mammalian species. I also remembered Narth's ominous thoughts and wondered why he hadn't come back to me about it.

I actually never seen our sickbay other than during my first ship tour and looked forward to see Cateria in her element.

Out of thin air, Narth appeared next to me as I turned into the corridor of sickbay and he said: "Apologies, Captain. I have not updated you as I am still missing certain information I am not sure how to obtain."

I stopped and said:

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean I am morally hampered, it has partially to do with your sense of fairness and as I said the Hugavh share goes both ways."

"Narth, I am not complaining or expecting you to have all the answers for me all the time. I just think we are not the right environment for these human flesh eaters, and sending her along with the Shadowrunner would have been a good idea. However I am curious what my sense of fairness has to do with all of this."

"You bought her, acting out of that very sense, and I must tell you that the Togar female was tortured and raped in the most horrible ways aboard that Pirate ship Her psychological condition is fragile and very difficult and Cateria is trying her best with old fashioned counseling and medication to help her. She didn't think having her treated like an enemy by uncaring Union authorities would be good."

What he said touched me somewhere deep. I remembered as Egill had transferred me somehow into the body of a female to teach me what hell could mean, and I had almost been raped by Harkun. I had not thought about this for a long time but now it returned as a vivid memory.

Narth nodded.

"You see, all your past experiences have formed your personality and we shared this with the Hugavh . Now the Togar female has a mental shield, preventing me from probing deeper and finding out more details. I could easily break it of course, but I would basically commit the same crime on her again as these men did,"

He lowered his head.

"With my increased understanding of human emotions, my own approach to things changes. I would have broken her shield without hesitation only a year ago."

"Narth, this is not a bad thing, it is what we call a conscience, and it tells us what is right and what is wrong above any laws or any rules. We humans can differentiate between good and evil, and this opens a whole can of worms on such subjects as ethics and religion."

"I am still at the beginning trying to understand all this, but I fail to see why opening a can of worms is of any significance to this discussion? I am certain we have no can of worms in our freight manifest."

"Go ask Shea about that one later. Let us check on the Togar and see if we can get her home somehow."

"That is the problem I mentioned earlier."

I went through the double doors of our sickbay. It had the symbol of Aesculapius over a six pointed star etched into semi transparent material. The lobby behind was white and blue and everything looked brand new and sparkling clean. Cateria wore a light blue and white coat and white pants. Her usually short cropped hair was now a little longer and gave her a somewhat gentler appearance. Her slight smile also helped.

"Hello Captain, what can I do for you? Is it an inspection, or are my services required? Back issues perhaps, walking day in and out in these murderous heels or carrying that rack you decided to have must do a number on your back."

"No Cateria, my back is fine and I am not here for an inspection either. I am here to inquire about the Togar female."

Cateria lost her smile and said.

"Her name is Jolaj Grotha and physically she is as good as new. She comes from a matriarchal society and has been raped not once but many times and not by members of her own kind but by aliens to her, whict makes it even worse. She is young, barely adult in her society, and she is also perhaps the most wanted person in the Togar Empire ."

Narth said.

"That is what I meant, if the Togar Empire becomes aware that she is alive and aboard our ship, they will try to capture us and kill her."

I said gloomily:

"I didn't make a big secret out of buying her either. In a Tavern of all places. Chances are the Togar already know we have her. What has she done?"

Narth said.

"That is the information I was unable to obtain."

Cateria said.

"All I know about the Togar society is what I could find on GalNet . I am trying to win her trust so she opens up on her own. Captain I simply could not release her. What would they have done to her on Union side? She doesn't belong there, they know as much about the Togar as I do, and she belongs to a society that eats humans. I asked Narth and the others not to mention her and I hoped you would forget her for a while."

She looked at me intensely.

"I know why you bought her. To impregnate her with a virus or something and make her the instrument of her own kind's demise, and half the ship agrees with your idea."

"I said what I said as I stood in a cargo hold with thousands of dead humans, slaughtered and butchered like Fangsnappers . I saw humans herded and separated in slave pens destined for the spits of Togar grills . So my general opinion of Togar society isn't very favorable, but I don't buy sentient beings for any purpose whatsoever. I bought her to get her out of the situation she was in. I wonder what what kind of monster you think I am?"

"I don't know you as well as the others do. I know you are fair and straight forward. I know I can trust you with my life and I am here because you showed me mercy, but I also remember how it is to be your enemy."

I didn't have any real response to that and said:

"Well I am not going to kill her or kick her out, but I'd still like to know what we are going to do with her. She isn't a prisoner. Can I talk to her?"

Cateria shrugged.

"I am not the best psychiatric expert and know next to nothing about Togar, so I guess you can."

I followed her into a well lit room with a bed with curtains on a window that simulated the view onto a green sun drenched meadow. There was a desk and a chair as well. The white Togar female was on the bed and she was restrained. Cateria answered my unspoken question.

"Partially to prevent her from harming herself and partially because she is a Togar with very sharp claws and teeth. Neither I nor my staff have the desire to become patients."

The Togar was really pretty, looking almost like a human woman with a skintight white fur suit, if it wasn't for the four toed, claw like feet, the catlike face and the long tail. I wondered if the Pree or the UNI who supposedly seeded human life also seeded the Togar. She looked straight at the ceiling and did not move or react as we came in,

I said to Cateria.

"Deactivate her restraints."

"You think that is wise Captain?"

"Deactivate her restraints and leave me alone then. I don't think I am in danger."

She did and the restrains holding the Togar disappeared into the bed frame.

"Hi Jolaj, I am Erica and I am the Captain of this ship."

She did not move as she said.

"You bought me!"

"Only to get you away, we are on our way to Sin 4. I can even make a little side trip to Kaliment and you are free to go. You are not my property and you are not a prisoner."

"You can kill me if you want and you can use me."

"I killed the man named Bloom and his men are all going to be hanged for acts of Piracy."

She moved her head for the first time and looked at me.

" You do not show your face, yet you are not pirates. The ship is old on the outside but inside like we think a Union ship might be. Why should I believe you?"

"You do not have to believe me. I am sorry for what happened to you, but I have a mission and a ship that comes first. I will instruct my Ships surgeon to do Psycho Surgery on you. Afterward you will remember nothing. My ship's secret is safe, you will not remember any of the bad things and we let you go on Kaliment where you can reach the Togar side easily."

"Then you are a coward and let others do your killing for you. Why not kill me right away? Any Togar that helps me is automatically sentenced to death. Any Togar that kills me will gain great fortune with the Queen."

"What could you have done that is so terrible?"

She turned her head away and said.

"I was born."

"I can understand that you don't trust me or anyone for that matter and frankly, I don't trust you. I don't particularly like Togars, and I am not too fond of any species that buys and hunts my kind for food. But I hate unfair situations and yours is very unfair. So I am asking you, what is it you want?"

"Kill me, please, simply kill me and all the problems are gone. The pain I feel, the trouble I cause everything will be gone and you are rid of me as well."

Why I sat down and touched her hand. I was not sure, but her pain and sorrow I could almost physically feel.

"Death comes to us all sooner or later; there is no need to seek it out."

She turned her head and I could see the pain and the shame she felt in her big green cat eyes.

Her fine whiskers quivered and I saw the fine fur underneath her big eyes was wet.

"Just kill me, please!"

I touched her cheeks and said.

"No worries Jolaj, I give you my word I will find a solution and, while this is a war ship and we will be in dangerous situations, I promise you no one will ever hurt you again while you aboard this ship and under my care."

I took her paw like hand in mine and squeezed it saying:

"Do you believe that?"

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she nodded.

"Yes, I believe you."

Again I was surprised by my own actions as I pulled the dangerous alien cat being close and hugged her and she started sobbing in a strange mix of animalistic and human noises.

"I am sorry for everything. I didn't ask to be born you know. I didn't ask for white fur, I am sorry for being Togar and that I have eaten human. I am sorry for being female and making them…"

Her fur was at least as soft as that of the little Holdian commander. I did not understand everything she said as she switched between native Togar and Free-zone Squawk. Many of her words were swallowed between deep sobs, but I could feel her pain and hopelessness while I was holding her. I was suddenly reminded of Egill and could almost see him nodding with approval. I was certain I heard another voice say:

"As long as he can feel compassion so strongly through the female persona I have given him, all hope is not lost."

For a brief moment I wondered about my own imagination but then was distracted by the white furred Togar I was still holding. She was crying softer now and I patted her back. I don't know how long I sat there holding the alien female, but then I noticed she had fallen asleep and I let her down, covered her and quietly left.

Cateria and Narth were there outside the door, but it was the Seenian CMO that spoke first:

"She hasn't been able to sleep without sedation...I'm sorry for having misjudged you, Captain."

I didn't get into that and said:

"Don't restrain her any more and if she wants to get up and wander around, let her. Ship will keep an eye on her so she isn't wandering in restricted areas."

Cateria looked back through the door window and said:

"I'll see to it, Captain."

Narth said:

"I will attempt to learn more about the Togar and maybe I can find out why white fur would be of significance."