New Review for Space bus to Benton's Colony (4)

New Review for Space bus to Benton's Colony

FROM:FictionPress TO:vanessaravencroft@yahoo.com Message flagged Thursday, August 30, 2012 4:17 AM Vanessa Ravencroft,

A new review has been posted to your story.

Story: Space bus to Benton's Colony Chapter: 3. Onward

From: dru83 ( http://www.fictionpress.com/u/669308/ ) Reply URL: https://www.fictionpress.com/pm2/post.php?rwid=17683128 ---

Hey, just wanted to say that I really like what you have so far. It's a bit different from your other stories in that there is no main hero and you're writing in third person. It's nice to see a story like that once in a while. As much as I like the Olafson series, its nice to see you write something else for a change. I love the wide variety of characters in this. I've especially liked reading more about the Shaill, both in Green Hell and in this story.

I'm seeing a lot of small spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes. Most of those are words that look alike. For example, you used "to" instead of "too" once. Another one I see you do a lot is typing "barley" when you mean "barely". There are many instances where your quotation marks are in the wrong place or are missing.

Another grammar thing I've seen you do is you switch the tense you write in from present tense to past tense and back again. Sometimes, you write in different tenses in the same sentence.

For example, in the following sentence, the first half is in present tense (notices) and the second half is in past tense (huffed and stared).

"In all his self important bluster he notices that no one really paid attention to him so he huffed and stared at the main view screen"

I realize most of these criticisms are really nitpicky, but they take away from is an awesome story. Anyway, I really like this one, so keep the chapters coming!

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