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Aimless6 just posted this critique :


Vanessa Ravencroft,

A new review has been posted to your story.

Story: Galaxy at War

Chapter: 8. The Brick

From: Aimless6 ( http://www.fictionpress.com/u/897417/ ) Reply URL: https://www.fictionpress.com/pm2/post.php?rwid=17815382


Belle station was supposed to be destroyed, so having a plan B already in place would be an unusual sign of lack in confidence by the Kermac.

But a few Kermac start to improvise and manage to overwhelm;

a Station Security Chief, a PsiCorp Colonel with links to the Grey Cats and TSI, a dozen Marines in combat gear, a maximum security prison with psi suppressors, there are no Cerberus bots guarding the prison, and there is no active computronic to check access codes.

A bit much isn't it?


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Here is my answer:

Yes I see your points and I am proud to say you sound exactly like a Union Citizen would sound hearing this...or what Stahl would say if he hears about it. Normally I don't do spoilers but since you asked I make an exception and let you look inside my twisted mind and "plan" for the Story. The Leedei are a very recent member, coming from a dwarf galaxy very much removed from the Milky Way. They developed a TL 9 society based on very advanced PSI tech. Machinery / Devices that run on Genetic engineered "Brains". Devices that "Supposedly" allow to pin point a single mind (over incredible distances, that detect psionic activities and able to interrupt them over similar distances. Neither the Union, The Saresii nor the Kermac have anything comparable (not even the Saresii of the First Age of Knowledge) the Leedei are very protective of that tech and don't share it. No outsider has ever seen the Telelistener (only heard about it) these devices are the holy grail for: The Kermac, NAVINT, and Grey Cats and yes most of all for Cherubim of the TSI.

The twist of the story is ....Cherubim is using the captured Kermac, the story of Roy’s parents being alive (The dreams Roy has are implanted and triggered if needed) Cara, the Commander are NAVINT operatives. She wants the secret of these machines...and in case anything goes wrong TSI/ Cherubim has the Kermac as scape goats. Who looks further than the Kermac if something goes wrong?

The Leedei School Teacher has a heart for sob stories...They decide to use Roy. Because the Leedei are telepathic, they needed someone who has a story he believes in. What is more convenient than a "naive" Greenie who really thinks his parents sending him dream messages? Who believed the story of the old Bellebee.

If you read my stories you know that Captain Coldblood left in a hurry thinking the Explorer was destroyed. He “failed” his mission to collect the scientists. So why does the Bellebee think it was Captain Coldblood?

The Bellebee are blind, have no ears and remember details..Lies are unknown to a species that shares “one memory” But all you have to do is feed the right bits of information to a “blind Computer” and it will come to the conclusions the Bellebee made.

Bottom Line of the Story is: Cherubim (Who is for Earth first …not the Union) wants that technology for the TSI . For her to manipulate / find persons with a remote machine is a wet dream…but she can’t openly operate against a Union Member. So she needs a Scape goat… or several in this case.

What else I have planned shall remain a secret for now, but I assure you I have not written that chapter without a plan.

What makes me very proud is the way you asked those questions…It shows you have really read my stories and you took the time to tell me.

Thank you

VR

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